Radical Honesty

This week I’ve been thinking about radical honesty. I’ve used this expression in the past and I think it’s important to define it so that we’re on the same page.

Radical honesty or being radically honest is seeing through and accepting your negative thoughts about yourself. Radical honesty is taking responsibility for what is yours, good or bad. Radical honesty is operating with both logic and compassion when looking at these things. So much of what gets in our way is self-generated, experienced as a crushing cascade of negativity, indifference, inertia, self doubt, or fear. The unpleasant burst of feeling when you are trying to do something that you don’t want to do but you think you should do. The toxic stew of convincing yourself that everything is hard and it’s okay to escape, in whatever way is easiest.

Everyone has self-sabotaging tendencies. You’re born with some and you pick up some. Wherever they came from, these tendencies are quite effective at pushing us off that path and away from what we truly want or want to be doing. When I look with radical honesty about moments where I sabotaged myself, I think about what my tendencies are and how to recognize them. I think about what I can do about them, how to work around them, set them aside, and how to diffuse them before they knock me off course. It’s not that it won’t happen (sabotage is deep in all of us), it’s just that by being radically honest, we can recognize it, takes steps to mitigate the consequences, and possibly even stop it before it gets too far. It requires strength, patience, and compassion.

Earlier this year, I was writing one day and it was a little slow going. I began to wonder if the scene I was writing really mattered to the story, if it was boring, or if it was a waste of time. I don’t know where these thoughts came from. During the drafting phase, I try to just focus on getting words on the page and then in revision, I evaluate what is there. For some reason, maybe I was tired, maybe I was distracted, who knows, I let some of the critical into that creative space and I instantly felt lousy. I wanted to stop writing and go do anything else (even the dishes) but I knew I wasn’t done writing for the day. In my head, I stopped and I recognized that this prejudgment of my writing was something I’d done before in the past and it was very effective at getting me to stop writing. I was fairly stern with myself then and basically said that if I wanted to go back to not writing and not feeling good about writing, this was the exact way to do it. I reminded myself that this was not a time for critique, this was a time to create. I could chose to stop the criticism and get back to writing, or I could keep sabotaging, feeling terrible, and not writing. Did I want to go back to not getting anything done or did I want to keep writing this book? I was able to refocus and finish writing for the day, but it serves as a reminder that at any moment, self-sabotage can pop up, even if you want different and even if you know better. With radical honesty, you have the tools to diffuse self-sabotage by recognizing it, accepting it, and letting it go so you can get on with what matters. Good luck.

Short version: Radical Honesty

• See through and accept negative thoughts about yourself

• Take responsibility for what's yours both good and bad

• Use logic and compassion when looking at yourself and your tendencies

• When you spot self-sabotage, take steps to mitigate it without harsh judgment

• Recognizing self-sabotage can help you keep on track with your goals